Handling Criticism and Rejection

There are two things you can say about criticism: 1.) It hurts. 2.) It happens — it’s part of life. True, you can’t stop criticism from happening. But you most certainly can stop it from hurting. Read on and learn how.

Why is it that when someone criticizes or rejects our music it hits us so hard? Hearing someone say “I don’t like the song you wrote” or “You guys aren’t that good” hurts more deeply than, say, if a business executive criticizes a subordinate for writing a bad report. That’s understandable. Musicians, along with other artists, tend to be more intimately connected with our craft than any office worker I’ve ever met. When someone criticizes our music they’re not only finding fault with our work but our passion as well, our life. Music isn’t simply what we do, it is who we are. Many of us have spent nearly our entire lives in music. We have so much of ourselves invested in our craft it’s no wonder even well-intentioned criticism from our peers hurts so much.

I will not brush this issue aside by simply telling you to “toughen up,” or that “criticism is something we all must face, so you might as well get used to it.” Somehow those words don’t seem to help. I know a few colleagues who, in the spirit of being “tough,” will wear a mask of nonchalance when someone puts them down. And all the while the stinging words eat them up on the inside instead of the outside. That’s even worse.

What does help is to remind ourselves that music is one of those things that, when someone says they don’t like how or what we’re playing, are really saying they don’t have a taste for it. It’s like if I told you I don’t like the pepperoni pizza you made, it’s probably because I don’t like pepperoni pizza, period. I’m rejecting the pepperoni, not your talent as a cook, and certainly not your worth as a human being. 

Everybody likes something different on their pizza!

And everybody likes something different in their music. Before feeling scathed by someone’s attack on your music remember this: There are millions of people who don’t like The Beatles, millions more who think Beethoven is boring, and even more who have absolutely no use for John Coltrane. Think about that. Three of the most renowned names in music, ignored, criticized, even condemned by millions and millions of people. As with the greats, there are simply going to be people who don’t have a taste for your music either. The same goes for every single musician on the face of the earth. 

If an artist has a gold record in the U.S. (500,000 copies sold) it means that fewer than one person in six hundred cared enough about that artist’s music to actually buy it. Fewer than one in six hundred. Even a platinum album (1 million copies sold) equals less than one out of three hundred people buying it — and that’s in the U.S. alone! Keep that in mind the next time someone rejects the fruits of your talent.

Speaking of The Beatles, I once had a teacher, a jazz pianist, who referred to the legendary group as “four guys with no talent and a lot of luck.” Now there’s criticism! The man is entitled to his opinion, but I have a feeling his comment was more the result of an overall preference for jazz over rock (and maybe just a hint of jealousy). Perhaps “The Fab Four” was simply not his cup of tea.

Finally, it may help to remember that unsolicited criticism of others is borne of one’s insecurities (except if it comes from your teacher!). Remember that the next time you find yourself on the receiving end, or the giving end, of a good put-down.

© 2005 by Stan Munslow.  All rights reserved.

“Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing."

Aristotle

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VISUALIZE YOUR WAY TO A GREAT PERFORMANCE

You may not think so, but you practice visualization all the time — imagining how your next performance is going to turn out.  Problem is, those imagined shows don’t always turn out very well ... then, neither do the real shows that follow.  Read on and learn how to make visualization work for you instead of against you — just like millions of greats do every day.  Enjoy!


Picture this: You’re onstage at your next performance. You’re calm and relaxed, your music is well prepared, and the crowd waits expectantly. Then, you start to play. The adrenaline sweeps through your body. You experience the thrill of the moment, the rush of creative energy, and the excitement of being able to express yourself in the same way your heroes do.

The performance goes beautifully, as you expected it would. You play your best and the audience is appreciative and responsive. The show moves from song to song, getting better and better, each tune working off the success of the last. You end with a bang and the crowd loves it.

You’ve just practiced one of the most valuable skills in “performance” history: Visualization. Visualization is the process of imagining, over and over, a desired outcome. It is mentally rehearsing success. You’ll notice that the word performance is in quotation marks. This is to show that the term is being used loosely. People in many fields routinely visualize a successful outcome for themselves. Musicians, actors, athletes, even doctors, lawyers, speech-makers, and many other specialists take a few minutes each day to sit down, close their eyes and visualize a successful outcome to their next “performance,” whether that be a jazz gig, a basketball game, or open-heart surgery.

Why is this such a widespread practice? Because it works. It works wonders. When you imagine, over and over, that your next performance is going to go splendidly (to the best of your current level of ability) you’re preparing your mind, drilling it, to become accustomed to success. Then, when you’re actually in that performance, the mind helps you to perform your music in the way it has become most familiar: Brilliantly.

This is the exact opposite of what many musicians do. Days before an upcoming performance they start to get nervous. Then the negative talk comes. “What if something goes wrong? What if I lose my place? What if people don’t like me or my music? Oh, gosh, I’m not ready for this! It’s going to be a flop like last time!”

And then their fears become a self-fulfilling prophesy. They’ve mentally and emotionally prepared themselves for failure and it is this mode of thinking that the brain operates in when they perform. They don’t want to fail, of course. And they may even try very hard not to. But it’s likely too late. Failure is what they’ve programmed themselves, albeit subconsciously, to do. So failure is what they are very likely to get.

Visualization is a process. Just by saying “I’m going to play well tonight” is not enough. As with any acquired skill, great results can only be expected when visualization is done every day. Better yet, two or three times a day, for five minutes each. And don’t just imagine yourself giving a decent performance — imagine a great one!

Imagine it with as many vivid details as you can. What does the place look like? How do you sound? How does the crowd react? Involve your senses: see yourself and the crowd, hear your music and their applause, feel the adrenaline pumping through your body, smell the food and drink, taste it. Make the image as real as you can. Do this every day.

Your mind, body, and spirit will take it from there.

“Visualize this thing that you want, see it, feel it, believe in it. Make your mental blue print, and begin to build."

Robert Collier